Happy first post of 2009?

So, I've been thinking...Do you ever outgrow the awkwardness of high school? Here I am, one semester away from graduation from college, and I feel at least as uncomfortable with myself as I did in hs, if not more. I think I actually cared LESS what people thought about me in hs than I do now. Maybe it's because I had my group of friends who didn't care with me, so I still had my niche. Now I don't have a group of people who I can fit in with. I don't care if I ended a sentence with a preposition; I feel pretentious saying, "With whom I can fit in".

I'm too emotional for the intellectuals and too intellectual for the emotionals. I'm too conservative for the liberals and too progressive for the conservatives. I'm not wacky enough to fit in with the weird kids who are so weird they're cool. I'm not even close to being cool...and I don't want to be "the cool kid". Not my scene. I'm just a person who wants to be nice and tries to do the right thing.

Anne of Green Gables is my hero. Where did that go in the world? I have my moments of whimsy and people look at me like I just grew a second head with red pigtails. Granted, I could see why a Home Depot might not be the best place to express my whimsy, but I hang out with MUSIC majors. They should understand. But I get the same looks from the arteests as I do from the gun-totin' Home Depot fellas (who I <3, by the way).

It just makes me sad that having an imagination and expressing it to someone I know makes me weird. People can't relate to me. I don't get what the big deal is with fitting in. But I guess I want to fit in now more than ever. I'm just too stubborn to lose who I am in that game.

I wonder where home is.

I can't wait til the fireflies come out.

Peace.